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Mike: Ha! That's what they make you wear at Captain Sub?
Luke: No, I just like to dress like Popeye.
Mike: Look, when you get a new job, you do have to deal with difficult people.
Luke: You mean like the customers?
Mike: No, like your family.
Maggie: Ahoy, matey!
Jason: Permission a board!
Maggie: Let me take one more to send to Carol in London…
Mike: That's a great idea, Mom, then we can put a different address on it, and make her think we moved.
Ben: Thanks a lot, Captain Crunch. Dad woke me up this morning with the want ads. What do you need a job for anyway?
Maggie: Oh, I bet I know. He's saving for college.
Luke: But first, a custom Harley.
Jason: You're saving up to buy a Hog?
Chrissy: He gets a Hog? You won't even let me get a kitten.
Ben: Hey, Luke. What's in the bag?
Luke: It's just my official Captain Sub hat.
Maggie: Well put in on. I want to take a picture of the entire uniform.
Ben: No, really.
Maggie: Come on, they say the uniform makes the man.
Ben: In this case the uniform makes the sandwich.
Luke: Well, I'd better get going. My boss is driving me to work.
Jason: Your boss drives you to work? I'd like to get a job like that.
Luke: Well, they're looking for a counter person if you're available.
Jason: Ben, you hear that? Ben! Ben!
Jason: Hey, I got a tip for you Luke. You take advantage of this car-pooling opportunity to get to know your boss. He probably could teach you a thing or two.
[Motorcycle engine sounds]
Jason: Stay back! Stay back! Hold it here everybody. I can handle this.
Luke: No, no, no, Dr. Seaver. This is Kevin, my boss.
Kevin: Hey, Luke! Ready to rock'n roll?
Mike: So how was your first week at work?
Luke: Well, you're now looking at the new…assistant manager.
Mike: Another dumb hat, huh?
Luke: You should see the hat the restroom supervisor has to wear.
Maggie: Hey, Luke. Glad we caught you. We've noticed you've been keeping late hours.
Luke: Well, I work 'til 9:30.
Jason: Yeah, but you've been getting home after 11:00.
Luke: Well, well, Kevin thinks it's a good idea to unwind after work.
Jason: Ooooh, you listen to a guy who's only working at Captain Sub until he can get his criminal career off the ground?
Maggie: Well, you could ask Kevin to drop you off at home, and then he can go unwind wherever he wants.
Luke: I could…but, I don't want to.
Maggie: Well, then, Luke. We maybe should talk about you having a curfew.
Mike: Big mistake.
Jason: Luke, will you excuse us for a minute?
Luke: Stick up for me, and I'll slip you a hoagie.
Jason: I wish you wouldn't contradict us in front of Luke.
Mike: Dad, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just that you were really cruising for trouble with that whole curfew thing.
Jason: Oh, we are?
Mike: Yeah, Dad, Luke is a different breed of horse. I mean…let's face it. You're used to Carol, who pulls the plough, and Chrissy, who's still a pony, and Ben…well, he's pretty much a horse's patoot.
Mike: But Luke is like me; he's a wild mustang.
Maggie: Well, thank you Gabbie.
Mike: Look…my point is, is that you try to put a fence around Luke, he's just going to kick it over.
Maggie: Mike, where are you going with all this horse….
Jason: Maggie…
Maggie: …analogy.
Mike: Don't give him a curfew, and he'll mosey on back to the barn as soon as he's sleepy.
Maggie: Need I remind you that we have successfully raised four children, and you had a curfew?
Mike: No, you had a curfew. I had an open window and a trellis.
Jason: Mike, we've got to run this house by our rules. Luke is a foster child here, and I see no reason why he shouldn't have a curfew.
Mike: Okay, all right, fine. You can run it up the flagpole, but I don't think he'll sit on it.
Jason: Luke!
Maggie: Okay, Luke, we want you in the house 10:00 on weekdays and 11:00 on weekends.
Luke: Okay.
Jason: Well, what do you know; the wacky old parents pulled it off.
Mike: Yeah, and Mr. Ed really talks.
Ben: Now, Chrissy…name the shape.
Chrissy: Square!
Ben: No, take your time, think rounder.
Chrissy: Square!
Ben: Think like, think like….a pie…or the moon.
Chrissy: Moon pie?
Chrissy: Sorry. I'm not doing so good, am I?
Ben: No, that's okay. You got two out of the last, uh, 25.
Maggie: What's up? You guys playing some kind of game?
Chrissy: Ben's testing to see if I have PMS.
Maggie: What?
Ben: Uh, ESP, mom. I'm doing an extra-credit report for Mr. Airhead's science class.
Maggie: Mr. Airheart, the teacher who's been giving you such a hard time all year?
Ben: Yeah. And if I don't get my average up to a B, he's not going to let me go on the class field trip to the Hayden Planetarium.
Maggie: Oh, well, Ben, your father and I'd be happy to take you to the planetarium.
Ben: Yes, but can you arrange for Sasha Sorotski to be sitting next to me in the dark… wearing a fuzzy sweater.
Maggie: Gotcha!
[Two Nights Later]
Mike: Ben said you guys wanted to talk to me?
Maggie: It's about Luke.
Jason: We're ready to admit we, uh…..
Mike: …were wrong?
Jason: No.
Mike: Were very, very wrong?
Maggie: No, we're ready to admit that we need your help.
Mike: Well, I think you made the right decision. You want to catch a mustang, you gotta use a mustang. So let me get this straight…what is it that you want me to tell him?
Jason: He's grounded!
Mike: No stinking way!
Jason: If a kid can't learn to live by a family's rules, he'll never learn to live by society's, Mike. Now you owe it to Luke to teach him some discipline.
Mike: I hate it when you guys make sense. Okay, okay, I'll talk to him. But if he's got a darn good reason for being late, I'm not giving him any punishment.
[Motorcycle engine sounds]
Mike: Luke's home.
Luke: Uh, hello.
Mike: Hey, Luke. It's 11:15. You know what that means?
Luke: I'm missing Arsenio!
Jason: Hey! You were supposed to be home by 10:00.
Mike: But I'm sure that he's got a darn good reason for being late. So, go ahead and give it to him.
Luke: Uh, I was at the arcade. We found a video machine with ten free games.
Mike: Well, okay, okay. You give me no choice. You're….
Maggie: …grounded.
Mike: What she said.
Luke: What? But, well can it start Monday? There's a major party Friday night.
Mike: Okay, sure.
Maggie: Mike! You can't let him trade punishments. This isn't "Let's Make a Deal."
Mike: Although he's dressed for it.
Maggie: The grounding includes missing the party.
Luke: I don't know why you're treating me like a kid. I gotta be in bed by 11:00. I went three years with no bed. I've spent the night in Central Park. I've survived gangs, murderers, and Pia Zadora's outdoor concert.
Jason: Sorry, Luke, but this is for your own good.
Luke: Oh, man! This sucks nickels!
Mike: Good night.
Luke: Well, thanks a lot, Mike.
Mike: Hey, hey, hey. Don't look at me. You're the one who messed up, pal. Don't ever break curfew again…without at least coming up with an airtight alibi.
[7:02:43 pm Friday]
Ben: …My bummed
Luke: Tell me about that.
Ben: What you bummed about?
Luke: There's a party out there, and I'm in here!
Ben: You're squawking about being grounded for a week? I was grounded for 1989.
Luke: So what are you bummed about?
Ben: Old Man Airhead threw my report out. He says ESP's a crock, not a science. Thanks to him, someone else is gonna be picking sweater pills off of Sasha Sorotski.
Luke: That Airhead's a jerk. Somebody ought to fix him good.
Ben: I know; I'm gonna prove that ESP is real and that Chrissy has it. Next to her, the Amazing Creskin's gonna look only mildly interesting.
Jason: Come on, Maggie, or we'll miss the opening curtain.
Maggie: Jason, I have never seen you this excited about dinner theater.
Jason: Well, how many times do you get to see Marla Maples and Jessica Hahn in "The Odd Couple?"
Maggie: None, if you're lucky. Okay, we'll be at the Hayloft Dinner Theater.
Jason: See you, Luke.
Maggie: Good night, Luke.
Luke: Mike, you're back. You've gotta talk to your parents.
Mike: Why?
Luke: You've gotta talk them into letting me go to that party.
Mike: Luke, they made up their mind. What can I do?
Luke: Wait a minute. Aren't you the same Mike Seaver who convinced his parents that report cards were discontinued as a tree-saving measure?
Mike: I guess when you've got the talent, it is a crime not to use it.
Luke: They're in the kitchen.
Mike: Okay. All right. Silver-tongue is on the case.
Mike: Mom! Dad! Just the people I was looking for!
Jason: Oooh! Every time he uses that tone of voice, the little hairs on the back of my neck stiffen.
Maggie: What are you trying to charm us out of now, Mike?
Mike: Oh, no, no, no. This isn't for me. Uh, this is about Luke. You see, I think that he's really learned his lesson, and I think his grounding should end, oh, about now.
Jason: Hmm-hmm!
Maggie: Mike, we have to take a stand.
Jason: If we back down now, we're giving him permission to walk all over us.
Mike: Well, I can live with that.
Maggie: Well, we can't. Mike, when you got into the middle of this, you took on part of the responsibility for Luke.
Jason: Hey, you're the one who speaks mustang. Just tell him he's still confined to the paddock. Happy trails.
Maggie: Stick to your guns.
Mike: I hope I shoot myself in the foot.
Luke: Mike, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you springing me for this party. You're the best, the greatest, the king.
Mike: You can't go.
Luke: You're slime. Did you even ask, or are you on their side now?
Mike: Oh, come on, Luke. Don't be this way. Luke! Luke-ee! Luke-ster! Luke-inator! All right, all right, all right, you're tearing me apart. You can go.
Luke: Really?
Mike: Yes, fine. But you have to be home by your curfew. That's 11:00. Not a minute later.
Luke: Thank you, thank you. I didn't know if you'd come through or not. Yeah!
[Motorcycle engine sounds]
