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And here - for better and for worse - the games can unfold very differently according to the emotional maturity of the parent.
而这时，由于父母的情绪成熟度不同，游戏的展开也会不尽相同，其中的结果有好有坏。
In an optimal scenario, when a small child initiates a game, the adult will be exceptionally careful neither to shame nor to excite them.
在最理想的情况下，当孩子提出进行一场游戏时，成年人会格外小心，既不羞辱，也不刺激他们。
They won't say "Don't be so silly" or "How repulsive".
他们不会说“别犯傻”或“太恶心了”。
They won't get furious or punishing.
他们不会生气，也不会惩罚孩子。
They will be resolved enough about their own sexuality not to take fright at its first echoes in their child.
他们对自己的性意识足够坚定，不会因孩子身上反映出来的性意识感到害怕。
They will notice what's going on, smile indulgently and go along with the game just long enough for the child to feel acknowledged and heard.
他们会明白发生了什么，宽容地微笑，和孩子进行足够长时间的游戏，让孩子感觉到自己被承认、被倾听。
And yet they will naturally not do anything remotely seductive back.
但他们自然不会做出任何有诱惑力的回应。
They will, with great kindness, ensure that the game always stays very much a game.
他们将以极大的善意，确保游戏自始至终只是一场游戏。
So much is, however, liable to go wrong.
然而，这件事很容易出错。
There are mothers and fathers too fragile internally to allow a child to flex their faculties of attraction; they get bitter or snide, dismissive or angry; there can only be one chief or one queen bee.
有些父母内心太过脆弱，不让孩子施展他们的吸引力；他们会对孩子怀恨在心或贬低嘲弄，展现自己的蔑视或愤怒；他们认为家中只能有一个酋长或一只蜂后。
There are parents too deeply swallowed up in cares and depression to allow themselves to be charmed.
有些父母太过沉浸在担忧和抑郁中，不让自己被迷住。
And then there are parents whose loneliness and confusion means they mistake a child's game for some form of genuine desire for sexual contact - with all the obvious tragic life-long repercusions that ensue.
还有一些父母过于孤独和混乱，把孩子的游戏误认为是某种真正的性欲望——随之而来的是显而易见的终身悲剧。
If we as adults have difficulties around sex, we might - with Freud's Oedipal concept in mind - ask ourselves some of the following:
如果作为成年人，我们在性方面存在困难，我们可以——以弗洛伊德的俄狄浦斯情结为基础——问自己以下几个问题：
-How much did I, as a child, feel able to charm my mother or father?
-小时候，我能在多大程度上吸引我的母亲或父亲？
-Did they seem to take pleasure in my existence?
-他们对我的存在感到快乐吗？
-Were they angry, sad or simply elsewhere?
-他们是愤怒、悲伤还是仅仅漠不关心？
-Was my same sex parent able to tolerate my games or did they respond with bitterness or bullying?
-我的同性父母会包容我的游戏，还是会以怨恨或欺凌作为回应？
-Concurrently, how much did my parents give me a sense that they knew boundaries and would stop any game when it needed to be stopped?
-同时，我的父母是否让我感觉到，他们知道游戏的界限在哪，当需要停止的时候，他们就会终止这场游戏？
Freud understood that adult mental health depends on the early expressions of our desire having been handled with particular skill by those around us: without excessive punishment or licence, without neglect or enticement, without anger or shame.
弗洛伊德表示，成年人的心理健康状况取决于我们对于欲望的早期表达，我们身边的人以特殊的技巧应对了这些表达：没有过度的惩罚或纵容，没有漠不关心或展现性诱惑，没有对孩子表达愤怒或进行羞辱。
The healthy adult is someone who can feel potent without being terrified or guilty.
健康的成年人是那些内心强大，不会感到恐惧或内疚的人。
Their games went well; and now their reality can follow suit.
他们的童年游戏进行得很顺利；现在，他们在现实中可以以此作为参照。
Freud's Oedipal Complex becomes a source of valuable insight once we separate it from its more literal formulations.
只要我们不再以字面意思来理解弗洛伊德的俄狄浦斯情结，它就能成为一个有价值的思考的来源。
It might show us why sex has ended up a lot more complicated for us than it should ever have been.
它或许能够告诉我们，为什么对我们来说，性爱比想象中复杂得多。
