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Some people assume that you can't really say what a good - or indeed a bad - parent actually is.
有些人认为，一个人不能真正定义什么是好的父母或不好的父母。
But we don't agree.
但我们不同意这个观点。
So we've designed a checklist of what we think makes up a good parent.
因此，我们制作了一份表格，列出了我们认为好的父母应该具备的素质。
Firstly and most obvious, a good parent adores their child.
首先，最明显的一点，好的父母喜欢他们的孩子。
They're simply overjoyed that they exist and don't mind telling the offspring that fact, in direct and indirect ways, at small and large moments, pretty much every day.
孩子的存在本身就能让他们感到欣喜若狂，而且他们几乎每天都会以直接和间接的方式，在大大小小的时刻，向孩子展现这一事实。
There is no risk of spoiling anyone like this: spoilt people are those who were denied love, not those who were regularly bathed in its calming waters.
这不会宠坏在这种环境中长大的孩子：被宠坏的是那些不被爱的人，而不是那些经常沐浴在静静流淌的爱意中的人。
Secondly, the good parent is attuned to their child; they listen - very closely indeed - to what the small person is trying to say.
其次，好的父母会配合他们的孩子，非常认真地倾听孩子想要说的话。
This means getting down on their knees and calmly paying attention to certain messages that may sometimes sound extremely weird or frustrating.
这意味着他们要跪下来，冷静地捕捉某些有时听起来非常奇怪或令人沮丧的信息。
Maybe the child is saying that they are very sad, even though it's their birthday and the parent has gone to enormous trouble with the presents.
也许孩子会说他们很难过，尽管今天是他们的生日，父母花了很大精力为他们准备礼物。
Maybe they are saying that they are angry with the teacher, even if education is in principle very important and the school was difficult to get into.
也许他们会说，因为老师而生气，即使原则上来说教育很重要，上学也很难。
Children are filled with complicated emotions; a good parents allows these room.
孩子们有太多复杂的情绪，而一个好的父母允许他们拥有这些情绪。
A good parent isn't envious of their children.
一个好的父母不会嫉妒他们的孩子。
They are strong enough to allow them to have a better life than they did.
他们足够强大，接受孩子能比自己过上更好的生活。
Good parents are on top of their issues: they don't think it's a good idea to make someone very unhappy because maybe someone else made them miserable long ago.
好的父母能避免犯错：他们不愿意让别人感到非常不开心，因为也许很久以前，曾有人让他们深感痛苦。
Good parents know about boundaries.
好的父母知道设定界限。
The game was hilarious for a long time, but now it's the moment to wind down, to put the paints away, to get back to work or to go up to bed.
他们和孩子开心地玩了很长时间游戏，但现在是慢慢结束的时候了，放下颜料，回去工作，或者上床睡觉。
The good parent doesn't mind being hated for a time in the name of honouring reality.
好父母不介意因为某些现实被孩子憎恨一段时间。
Good parents don't mind seeming a bit boring and predictable.
好的父母不介意孩子觉得自己看起来无聊或模式化。
Small kids don't need excitement and drama from their parents.
年幼的孩子不需要父母的刺激和戏剧性变化。
They want a secure base from which to explore the world.
他们需要一个安全的基地，从那里探索世界。
Now we might think back to our pasts and give our carers a score out of ten to measure how things went.
现在，让我们回想过去，给我们的家长打个分(满分10分)，对他们做出评判。
It isn't unfair or mean sometimes - in the privacy of our own minds - to hold people to account.
有时候——在我们的内心深处——评判一些人算不上是不公正或刻薄。
Pick up a pen and paper as we run through a list - and score each option out of 10.
在浏览表格时，拿起纸和笔——给每个选项打分，满分为10分。
My Parent...
我的父母……
Made me feel deeply loved and wanted.
让我深深感到被爱、被需要。
Was often highly attuned to what I actually felt.
经常与我的真实感受高度协调。
Was able to tolerate a degree of innocent disobedience.
能够容忍我一定程度的幼稚反抗。
Was authentically happy about my success.
对我的成功感到由衷的高兴。
Lacked sadistic impulses.
没有虐待的冲动。
Avoided imposing too many of their own issues on me.
不会把很多伤害他们的事情再强加给我。
Didn't demand to be admired.
不要求我的钦佩。
Wasn't too exciting.
不会过于兴奋。
Knew how to play.
知道如何和孩子玩耍。
Had boundaries.
懂得设置界限。
Tolerated dissent.
能够容忍不同的意见。
Took an interest in my 'small' joys and pains.
重视我“微小”的快乐和痛苦。
We don't need a score of a hundred and twenty to be robust, but if things were to drop much below sixty, there might be grounds for a good deal of reflection and sorrow.
我们不是必须得到120分才能变得坚定而自信，但如果评分远远低于60，那么我们大量的反思和悲伤可能就存在一定的理由。
The best thing, if you haven't had a great childhood, is to be as knowledgeable as possible about what went wrong and why.
如果你的童年并不美好，现在我们能做到的最好的事情就是尽可能了解我们的童年是哪里出了问题，以及为什么出了问题。
