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Hi Psych2Goers and welcome back to another brand new video.
嗨，Psych2Goers，欢迎观看我们全新的视频。
Have you ever thought you were going crazy?
你有没有想过你要疯了？
Do you struggle with expressing your emotions or properly trusting others?
你是否纠结于表达自己的情绪或适当地信任他人?
Does it feel like everyone else has it figured out but you?
是不是觉得除了你，其他人都想通了？
![FK}IIAU]8G_Y{GTE2ET$TTU.png](http://upload.kekenet.com/2021/1101/60011635747572.png "60011635747572.png")
It can be easy to blame yourself for your shortcomings,but how you were raised also plays a role in who you grow up to be and how you handle your emotions.
因为自己的缺点而责备自己是很容易的，但是你的成长方式也会影响到你成长为什么样的人以及你如何处理自己的情绪。
Your experiences throughout your personal upbringing have far reaching effects on your life.
你的个人成长经历对你的人生有着深远的影响。
By taking an honest look at how your parents treated you, your sibling relationships and your family dynamics as a whole,
通过诚实地看待你的父母是如何对待你的，你的兄弟姐妹关系和你的整个家庭动态，
you can spot the signs of toxicity that were present but you were unaware of at the time.
你可能发现有毒的迹象，但你当时没有意识到。
If you relate to any of these six signs, you're not crazy, it's your upbringing.
如果你有这六个迹象中的任何一个，你并不是疯了，而是你的成长环境太疯狂。
Number one, conditional love.
第一，有条件的爱。
Does it feel like your parents only treat you well when you're successful?
你是否觉得你的父母只有在你成功的时候才对你好?
They may shower you with love and affection when it's convenient for them but the second something goes wrong,
他们可能会在你方便的时候向你倾注爱和感情，但一旦出了问题，
they treat you like a disappointment and all that love and affection goes away.
他们对待你就像对待失望一样，所有的爱和感情都消失了。
When someone loves you with conditions, it means that they put terms, restrictions, or rules on how they give you their love.
当一个人有条件地爱你，这意味着他们在如何给予他们对你的爱上加了条件、限制或规则。
When those conditions weren't met, your parents may have retaliated with verbal abuse or doled out the silent treatment.
当这些条件没有得到满足时，你的父母可能会用言语辱骂来报复，或给予沉默的对待。
In extreme cases, they may have responded with physical abuse.
在极端情况下，他们可能会以身体虐待作为回应。
This can lead you to think that you have to earn another person's love and you may be a chronic people pleaser or are more easily taken advantage of.
这可能会让你认为你必须赢得另一个人的爱，你可能是一个长期取悦他人或更容易被利用的人。
So if you relate to this point, you're not crazy.
如果你把这一点联系起来，你没有疯。
It's your parents' conditional type of love that contributes to many misconceptions you may have about it.
正是你父母的有条件的爱导致了你对它的许多误解。
Just try to remember that real love is truly unconditional and you don't have to earn anything to be worthy of it.
要记住，真爱是无条件的，你不需要付出任何代价。
Number two, guilt tripping.
第二，负罪感。
Do your parents constantly use phrases like, "If you really care about me you'd..."
你的父母是不是经常说“如果你真的在乎我，你就会……”
Or "I've done so much for you and this is how you repay me?"
或者“我为你做了这么多，你就这样报答我?”
When parents guilt trip their children into doing things for them, it can lead to certain misconceptions about love and that it has to be repaid.
当父母的内疚感驱使孩子为他们做事时，就会导致孩子对爱的误解，认为爱是应该得到回报的。
You may have formed the idea that kindness always comes with strengths, or struggle with feelings like you're a burden on others including your family.
你可能已经形成了这样的想法，友好总是伴随着优点，或者与感觉作斗争，就像你是别人的负担，包括你的家人。
Demanding respect is not something your mom or dad should hold over your head.
你的父母不应该要求你尊重他们。
If you struggle with accepting kindness and trusting others, you're not broken or crazy.
如果你在接受善意和信任他人的过程中挣扎，你并不糟糕或是在发疯。
It's likely a result of being guilt tripped as a child.
这可能是因为小时候的负罪感。
Number three, taking accountability.
第三，承担责任。
When your parents argue with you, do they ever admit that they were at fault or sincerely apologize to you?
当你的父母和你争吵时，他们有没有承认错误或真诚地向你道歉?
Do they ever take accountability for themselves and how they've treated you?
他们会对自己负责吗?他们会对你负责吗?
Some parents struggle to admit when they're at fault especially as you are younger than them.
有些父母很难承认自己的错误，尤其是当你比他们小的时候。
They may feel prideful and not want to bruise their ego or thank you or being disrespectful if you try and challenge them.
如果你试图挑战他们，他们可能会很自傲，不想让你伤害他们的自尊，不想感谢你，也不想尊重你。
Whether good or bad your parents, your one of your biggest influences and role models you had growing up.
不管你的父母是好是坏，你的父母是你成长过程中对你影响最大的人，也是榜样之一。
If they always struggled to admit to any wrongdoings, you may have internalized that as how people in positions of power should act towards you.
如果他们总是挣扎着承认错误，你可能已经内化了那些有权力的人应该如何对待你。
You accepted that when in a power balance, the person in power didn't have to take accountability for their actions.
你接受了权力平衡时，当权者不必为自己的行为负责的事实。
You might struggle with admitting fault, taking responsibility for your words and actions, or feeling too prideful yourself.
你可能会挣扎着承认错误，为自己的言行负责，或感到过于骄傲。
Number four, the comparison game.
第四，比较游戏。
When you were growing up, did your parents use phrases of comparison like, "Why can't you be more like..."
在你成长的过程中，你的父母是否使用过类似于“你为什么就不能更像……”这样的比喻呢?
Or "When your sister was your age, "they had accomplished this."
或者“当你妹妹像你这么大的时候，”他们已经完成了。”
Your parents are the ones who are supposed to love you and support you unconditionally.
你的父母应该无条件地爱你、支持你。
But if they said things like this to you throughout your childhood and frequently compared you to others,
但如果他们在你的童年时代对你说过这样的话，并且经常拿你和别人做比较，
you may end up thinking that's what all forms of love are like.
你可能会认为所有形式的爱都是这样的。
You may find someone who is overly competitive, easily jealous of others and has low self-esteem.
你可能会发现有些人过于争强好胜，容易嫉妒别人，缺乏自尊。
You may be resentful of your siblings and others who are seemingly more accomplished than you.
你可能会怨恨你的兄弟姐妹和其他看起来比你更有成就的人。
If this describes you, know that accomplishments don't define your worth and that you are not broken.
如果你是这样的人，要知道成就并不能定义你的价值，你并不糟糕。
Number five, projecting flaws and insecurities.
第五，突出缺陷和不安全感。
When your parents criticize you, does it ever sound like they're describing themselves?
当你的父母批评你的时候，听起来是否像是他们在描述自己?
Did your parents seemingly project everything they disliked about themselves onto you?
你的父母似乎把他们不喜欢自己的一切都投射到你身上了吗?
This could be a way to deflect and actively avoid their own flaws because they simply don't want to face them.
这可能是一种转移和积极避免自己缺点的方法，因为他们只是不想面对它们。
When you're a kid, you don't realize that this is what your parents are doing and your self esteem can be heavily affected
当你还是个孩子的时候，你没有意识到这是你父母在做的事情，你的自尊会受到严重的影响
when you're viewed through such a critical lens.
当你被如此挑剔的眼光看待时。
You may be experiencing feelings of self-loathing, anxiety, or depression, but you are not your parents nor are you required to take on their flaws.
你可能正在经历自我厌恶、焦虑或抑郁的感觉，但你不是你的父母，也不需要承担他们的缺点。
You also have the power to let go and move on.
你也有能力放手，继续前进。
And number six, over controlling behavior.
第六，过度控制行为。
Does it feel as if your parents keep an eye on everything that you do?
你是否觉得你的父母一直在关注你所做的每一件事?
Are they always involved in your business needing to know who you talk to, what you're wearing or where you're going?
他们是否总是参与到你的工作中，需要知道你在和谁交谈，你穿什么衣服，你要去哪里?
Well, parents have a natural instinct to protect their child.
父母有保护孩子的本能。
This instinct can be taken too far when it encroaches on your own privacy.
当这种本能侵犯到你自己的隐私时，它可能会走得太远。
You might feel suffocated by your parents and their over-controlling behavior.
你可能会对父母和他们过度控制的行为感到窒息。
You might hide things from them so they won't find out,
你可能会对他们隐瞒一些事情，这样他们就不会发现，
or have rebelled against them in your teen years, or maybe you stayed sheltered under your parents and are more easily taken advantage of.
或者在你十几岁的时候反抗过他们，或者你在父母的庇护下更容易被利用。
Over controlling behavior is one of the biggest causes of strained relationships between parents and their children.
过度控制行为是造成父母与子女关系紧张的最大原因之一。
So if you struggle with this as well, you're not crazy and it isn't your fault.
所以如果你也在挣扎，你没有疯，这不是你的错。
Did you relate to any of these signs?
你和这些迹象有联系吗?
If so, which ones struck home with you the most?
如果是的话，哪些是你印象最深的?
Sometimes your parents can be toxic and emotionally harmful towards you.
有时你的父母会对你有害，在情感上伤害你。
They might not even know or realize they've treated you like this.
他们可能甚至不知道或没有意识到他们这样对待你。
And while they may have had good intentions, how your parents raised you does have significant effects on you.
虽然他们的出发点可能是好的，但你的父母抚养你的方式确实会对你产生重大影响。
You don't have to blame yourself for feeling the negative effects of your upbringing.
你不必为自己的成长经历带来的负面影响而自责。
It's hard to internalize, but you are not broken, crazy or unworthy of love.
这很难内化，但你不是糟糕的，疯狂的，不值得爱的。
Please like and share this video if it helped you and you could help someone else too.
请点赞并分享这个视频，如果这个视频对你有帮助，你也可以帮助其他人。
The studies and references used are listed in the description below.
所使用的研究和参考文献列在下面的说明框中。
Don't forget to hit the subscribe button for more Psych2Go videos and thank you for watching.
不要忘记订阅我们的频道观看更多视频，感谢大家的收看。
We'll see you next time.
我们下次见。
