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According to the internet, if you're in college, you're required to survive off this stuff.
按照网上所说的，如果你在上大学，那你需要这个东西帮你生存下去。
So you can save money - by sacrificing your health, while accumulating debt for a degree you won't use for a job that will be done by robots by the time you don't graduate because you realize you're in the wrong program two years too late, but it doesn't matter because climate change is gonna destroy us all.
这样你就可以省点钱——以牺牲健康为代价，为一个你以后用不上的学位背上债，到时候工作都是机器人做了，然后你因为选错专业没能毕业，意识到的时候已经过去两年了，太晚了，但这一切都不重要，因为气候变化会毁灭全人类。
Yay education!
耶，教育万岁！
You suck at cooking. Yeah, you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，你弱爆了。
The first thing you want to do when you're making instant ramen is check for WABS.
做方便面的第一步就是检查WABS。
That's "Weak Ass Broth Syndrome."
也就是“稀汤症”。
Just make the broth and give it a taste.
做好汤，尝一尝。
If you've got WABS, then there's two ways to address it.
如果你发现“稀汤症”了，那么有两个解决方法。
One: You can add more flavor with some bullion.
一：你可以加点浓汤宝增加味道。
You can also just start with bullion and ditch that flavor pack altogether.
你也可以一开始就用浓汤宝，直接把料包全部丢掉。
Or shove it in your roommate's stank-ass shoes.
或者把它塞进你室友的臭鞋子里。
Two: you can add less water.
二：你可以少加点水。
Or... subtract more water.
或者，抽出一些水。
I usually use about half the recommended water, because I'm a bit of a maniac.
我一般用建议水量的一半，因为我有点狂躁。
If you don't own a measuring cup, one tall can holds two cups of beer, which is the equivalent of two cups of water.
如果你没有量杯的话，一个高杯能装下量杯啤酒，也就等于两杯水。
Our first modified ramen is poached eggs, which is great for breakfast or literally any other time at all.
我们的第一种改良拉面是水煮蛋版本，很适合作为早餐，或者随便什么时候吃都行。
The first thing you want to do is steal a scallion from your roommate.
你要做的第一件事是从室友那里偷一点小葱。
Slip one out of the bag, snap a leaf off your roommate's house plant, then roll it up and replace it.
从袋子里拿出一根，从室友的盆栽上折一片叶子，卷起来代替被拿走的小葱。
Then just tape a weed onto the plant and they'll never ever know.
然后用胶带往上粘一片杂草，他们永远不会发现。
Then grab a couple eggs which are taped to the ceiling of your fridge to keep your roommates from stealing from you.
拿几个粘在冰箱顶上的鸡蛋，这样就不会被室友偷走了。
Now chop up that scallion and dream about a time in the future when you've graduated and you can finally buy a knife that's sharp.
现在，把那根小葱切一切，想象一下未来，当你毕业了，终于有钱能买一把锋利的刀了。
Boil the water, adjust the broth to combat WABS, add in the scallions, cook the noodz until they're soft, crack in the eggs, then cover with a lid until they're nicely poached.
烧水，调整汤汁浓度与“稀汤症”作斗争，加小葱，把面条煮软，打入鸡蛋，盖上盖子，等待完美的水煮蛋出世。
These are nicely overcooked, but that's just fine.
这几个完美地煮过头了，但是没关系。
I still love you.
我还是爱你们的。
The next recipe is spicy peanut broccoli, which will help you through your two-week vegetarian phase.
下一个配方是辣味花生酱西蓝花版本，它会帮你度过你不超过两周的素食计划。
We're gonna combat WABS by creating a whole new flavor.
这次我们将通过创造一种全新的风味与“稀汤症”作斗争。
We're gonna go with the veggie chemical pack, a teaspoon of hot sauce, and one to two tablespoons of natural peanut butter.
我们要加入植物化学料包，一勺辣酱，一到两勺天然花生酱。
A handful of scallions.
一把小葱。
We'll smash up some broccoli and throw a handful of that in there, get the noodles in there and use a bit of aggression to take the edge off the vegetarianism.
把西蓝花捶碎，扔一把到锅里，把面饼放进去，使用暴力削弱素食主义者的棱角。
Once it's boiled for a couple minutes, grab a bowl and - Uuuugh, gross.
等它煮了几分钟，拿个碗——呕，好恶心。
When you live with roommates, you can't let stuff like this slide.
当你和室友一起住的时候，你不能让这种事情就这么算了。
You've got to be a good proactive communicator.
你需要成为一个优秀的主动沟通者。
"Dear xx face, RUDE!!!-one of your roommates, but I'm not gonna say who."
“亲爱的xx脸，没素质！——你的室友，但我不会告诉你是谁。”
Some people are honestly just so inconsiderate.
有些人真的一点都不考虑别人。
And I got a bit distracted and boiled off too much of the water but honestly it's still amazing and I highly recommend trying this one.
我刚刚有点分心了，所以水煮干了，不过还是很棒的，我非常推荐试一试这款。
To be successful in college means staying organized.
要想在大学获得成功，意味着你做事要有条理。
Before you go to bed, make a list of what you're gonna accomplish in the morning.
睡觉之前，把你明天早上要做的事情列个清单。
Pick out the clothes you're gonna wear the next day, and above all, do not have that first drink.
选出第二天要穿的衣服，最重要的是，不要喝那第一杯酒。
Owww, my head.
噢，我的头。
Okay, alright, everyone makes mistakes.
好吧，没关系，人人都会犯错。
You gotta regroup and just make sure you don't...
你要重新振作起来，确保你不再...
To get rid of your hangover, start with the Pedialyte latte, and then we're gonna make hangover ramen.
为了从宿醉中活过来，泡一杯电解质拿铁，然后我们来做宿醉版拉面。
We're gonna fry up some chopped bacon, bring one cup of water to a boil, cooled off fried bacon, a tablespoon of salted butter and a bunch of grated parmesan.
我们先把切碎的培根煎一煎，煮一杯水，放凉的煎培根，一勺含盐黄油和一堆帕玛森芝士碎。
Now get the noodles in and cook it down till it's a hundred percent artery cement.
现在把面条放进去，煮透它，直到它变成百分百的血管混凝土。
Not to be confused with baking cement.
不要和烘焙混凝土混淆哦。
Mmm, baking cement.
嗯，烘焙混凝土。
The reason this helps with a hangover is because the grease and fat help the guilt to slide right out of your body.
这款面能帮助缓解宿醉的原因是，里面的油腻脂肪会挤走你身体里的愧疚。
And I feel so much better and I'm gonna work on my startup because I know my degree isn't going anywhere, but my dot-com is gonna blow up. I'm sure of it.
我现在感觉好多了，我要开始为我的创业项目工作了。因为我知道我的学位没戏了，但我的网站会大火的。我很确信。
For a day of heavy coding, I like to use a veggie pack, a tablespoon of Indian curry paste, a handful of scallions, (don't judge, just accept it, they make everything better) and a half can of chickpeas.
在进行了一天的繁重编程工作后，我喜欢用一个素食料包，一勺印度咖喱酱，一把小葱（不要评判我，接受就行了，它让所有东西变得好吃）和半罐鹰嘴豆。
The company I'm building is called wash-email-chine.
我正在创建的公司叫做邮件洗衣链。
You know how hard it is to get quarters at a laundromat?
你知道在洗衣房想搞到一枚25分硬币有多难吗？
Well, for a monthly fee we mail you a washing machine with the quarters already inside it, so you can just wash your clothes then send it back with the provided envelope.
现在好了，交个月费，我们会寄一台自带25分硬币的洗衣机给你，你就可以直接洗了，然后用提供的信封把它寄回来。
Also if you suck at chopsticks and forks, grab a pair of scissors and snip up the noodles to make them super spoon-friendly.
还有，如果你筷子和叉子都用得超烂，那就用剪刀把面条剪断，这样你就可以用勺子吃了。
This last one is great for a date...with yourself.
最后这一款很适合约会的时候吃...单人约会。
As long as you're not still vegetarian.
只要你现在已经不是素食主义者了就行。
Throw in a beef packet, add in a wack load of spinach which has infinite shrinkability potentials, so go nuts.
往锅里扔一个牛肉料包，加一大堆拥有无限收缩能力的菠菜，所以使劲放吧。
Throw in the noodz until they're soft, then chop up some steak, throw that in and let it cook for a minute.
放入面饼，煮软，切一些牛排，扔进锅里，煮一分钟。
I can hear the barbecue purists from here.
在这我都能听到唯烤肉论的人在叫唤了。
"Oh, I wouldn't be caught dead boiling steak."
“我可不想被人抓到我煮牛排，然后被打死。”
Well, you're not wrong.
好吧，你这么说也没错。
I mean if you're dead, you're not gonna boil anything.
我是说，如果你死了，确实也没法煮任何东西了。
By the way, this one's 100% keto friendly provided you only eat the steak.
顺便说一句，这款是百分之百生酮友好，条件是你只吃牛排。
Keep in mind this isn't just a square of precooked noodles.
记住，这不只是一块预煮好的面饼。
This is a palette of opportunity with infinite potential.
这是一块有着无限潜力的调色板。
Just like the infinite potential of your own life, which you are mostly wasting on the internet, just like the rest of us.
就像你充满潜力的人生，不过你把大部分时间都浪费在网上冲浪了，就像其它人一样。
But at least we're wasting our lives together.
但至少我们在一起浪费生命。
But seriously, let's all try to get outside more, or at least watch more videos that were shot there.
但说真的，多去外面看看吧，或者至少，多看看在外面拍的视频。
Ramen.
拉面。
