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托福写作批改点评 第28期:父母是否不如50年前那样理解自己的子女?

来源:可可英语 编辑:wendy   可可英语APP下载 |  可可官方微信:ikekenet

Topic(题目):

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents do not understand their children as well as 50 years ago.

Target text(文章正文):

The past decades has witnessed a great leap in the development of society.As education plays an important role in a person's overall life,now we are attaching more importance on the children's education from parents.

When it comes to the comparison between the past and today's parents' understanding of their children, people's perspectives vary from person to person, culture to culture. Some prefer that parents do not understand their children as well as 5o years ago. However, others hold the opposite view. On personal level, I prefer the latter, that is, parents understand their children better today.

Admittedly, the life pace in the past is much slower than today. Parents seemed not busy with work and had more free time to stay with children and so they understood their children more.But is it really true?When taking other factors into consideration,as far as I am concerned,contemporary parents understand their children better.

To begin with,the only child in contemporary family attracts more parents' concern and therefore intensifies parents' understanding of their child.With the implement of the only child policy in 1979,each family has only one child today.Compared to the condition of several children in each family 50 years ago,contemporary parents have more efforts and love streamed down into their unique child.

What's more,quality-oriented education requires that parents today communicate more with their children.This contributes to parents' deeper understanding of their children objectively.For example,the primary schools often assign special homework to their students that they should try to help their parents wash their feet.During the process like this,children and their parents can have a heart-to-heart talk and understand more with each other.

Last but not the least,parents treat their children more like friends instead of their subordinates. The past decades has witnessed the relationship between parents and their children changed from the hierarchy relationship to equality relationship. As a result, contemporary children don't fear their parents. Instead, they can tell their secrets to their parents such as unrequited love to a girl and so on. They are more willing to consult their parents for some solutions when they come up with some problems on study or emotion.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that contemporary parents understand their children deeper than 50 years ago, both subjectively and objectively.


Revised essay(批改后):

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents do not understand their children as well as 50 years ago.

The past decades has[用复数] witnessed a great leap in the development of society.As education plays an important role in a person's overall life,now we are attaching more importance on [改为to] the children's education from parents.

When it comes to the comparison between the past and today's parents' understanding of their children, people's perspectives vary from person to person, [加and] culture to culture. Some prefer that parents do not understand their children as well as 5o[注意细节 是50] years ago. However, others hold the opposite view. On personal level, I prefer the latter, that is, parents understand their children better today.

Admittedly, the life pace in the past is [用过去时] much slower than today. Parents seemed not busy with work and had more free time to stay with children and so they understood their children more.But is it really true?When taking other factors into consideration,as far as I am concerned, [插入语去掉] contemporary parents understand their children better.

To begin with,the only child in [the] contemporary family attracts more parents' concern and therefore intensifies parents' understanding of their child.With the implement of the only child policy in 1979,each family has only one child today.Compared to the condition of several children in each family 50 years ago,contemporary parents have more efforts and love streamed down into their unique[改为only] child.

What's more,quality-oriented education requires that parents today communicate more with their children.This contributes to parents' deeper understanding of their children objectively.For example,the primary schools often assign special homework to their students that they should try to help their parents wash their feet.During the process like this,children and their parents can have a heart-to-heart talk and understand more with each other. [例子和分析部分写的不错,很得体]

Last but not the least,parents treat their children more like friends instead of their subordinates. The past decades has [have]witnessed the relationship between parents and their children changed from the hierarchy relationship to equality relationship. As a result, contemporary children don't fear their parents. Instead, they can tell their secrets to their parents such as unrequited love to a girl and so on. They are more willing to consult their parents for some solutions when they come up with [用词不妥,可以用encounter] some problems on study or emotion.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, we [这是你在写作,你得出的结论,改为i] may safely draw a conclusion that contemporary parents understand their children deeper than 50 years ago, both subjectively and objectively.


TPO小站综合点评及批改意见:

总体写的不错,观点和论据展开都清楚,节奏也不错,说服力比较强。

表达方面,比较自然流畅,但还是要继续积累好的表达,

语法方面,有一些细节方面的小错误,自己要多加注意。

预估分数:25.2

学习建议:

1、尽量多阅读范文,模仿好的文章中作者阐述论证观点的方式。

2、多阅读不同类型话题的文章,积累专业作家针对不同话题的观点内容。

3、可以多引用别人的观点内容。

4、阅读范文过程中,注意作者如何反向论证观点。

重点单词   查看全部解释    
willing ['wiliŋ]

想一想再看

adj. 愿意的,心甘情愿的

 
conclusion [kən'klu:ʒən]

想一想再看

n. 结论

 
consideration [kənsidə'reiʃən]

想一想再看

n. 考虑,体贴,考虑因素,敬重,意见

 
understand [.ʌndə'stænd]

想一想再看

vt. 理解,懂,听说,获悉,将 ... 理解为,认为<

 
comparison [kəm'pærisn]

想一想再看

n. 比较

联想记忆
concerned [kən'sə:nd]

想一想再看

adj. 担忧的,关心的

 
implement ['implimənt,'impliment]

想一想再看

n. 工具,器具; 当工具的物品
vt. 实施

联想记忆
consult [kən'sʌlt]

想一想再看

v. 商讨,向 ... 请教,查阅

 
primary ['praiməri]

想一想再看

adj. 主要的,初期的,根本的,初等教育的

联想记忆
disagree [.disə'gri:]

想一想再看

v. 不一致,有分歧,不适应,不适宜

联想记忆

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