文书批改：个人陈述申请营养学硕士。TPO小站综合点评及批改意见：从总体上来说，本篇PS的结构安排及内容编排还是比较到位的，但也有不足需要进一步做调整。建议进一步突出关于学习方面的成绩，包括擅长的科目等方面的介绍；另外结合自己的未来的规划，对申请学校及专业，也可再适当增加一些内容，以使得个人陈述看起来更为完满。

原文：

Applicant: AAA

Program: Master in Nutrition (If promised, I prefer assiduously studying PHD)
As an independent and ambitious girl, I was brought up in atmosphere of optimistic and thanksgiving. I've been long taught to become a beneficial person and constantly hold the strong belief to fight for my dreams and potentials, no matter how small or diligent they may be, just do the good things and belong to my heart inside. Therefore I wish to devote to mankind's happiness and satisfaction.

All my education traces and excellent performances in university claim my virtues of preserving and ambition into pursuing my dream to be a nutritionist. My interest in Nutrition first comes from the original reason that I want to use my specific knowledge to benefit my family and friends. And this desire gets a further development after a health survey I have done on my campus in 2013, I focused on random 300 students and 30 retired teachers who lived in my university. As that time I was required to participate a Health Concern Speech Competition, and the idea I'd like to speak out is maybe the majority of people without proper knowledge about how to balance nutrition they need in daily meals. Just as I have thought before, the final figure told me the fact that nearly 80 percent people cared about good fitness but only 16 students and 5 professors understand a variety of nutrition contain in diverse foods and these nutrition is indispensible for everyone. After my competition, I contacted to those people who I thought was in urge need of health and nutrition knowledge, including students who never ate breakfasts, and professors who had diabetes try to avoid consuming a little meat and sugar, as well as overdoing their gloom and repression. Therefore I have strong feelings and emotions to be an expert in the area of Nutrition, what I want is driving Nutrition to wide public's concern and make more people have a better life. As firmly beliefs as I process, I am systematical, methodical as well as a good-planner who can always make the most extensive use of my time and energy, therefore I have great potential to receive further education as a master in Nutrition, by the way, if I am promised, I prefer to challenge myself to be a PHD. I have spent my four years'university life effectively and make use of it to its top utilization. I have divided my last four years into three main periods; each term has its main target: Freshman stage aimed at improving communicating ability with others and making friends with them, the following year major in systematically exerting social skills and digging up the weaknesses and merits that I had, then connecting theories with academic study was my final purpose in the following year. My sophisticated schedule emerges on my mind everyday and it is a remainder of being loyal to my heart and soul. I have received numerous awards in the past years: First prize of debate competition on campus, Second prize of essay competition, Second prize of Career Planning And Development competition, Outstanding Volunteer, Excellent League Member, Outstanding Class Leader, 55 poem and prose published on my university public website.

I have good academic ability, and get 3.5 in GPA in my study, because of too much extra-activity had spent me a lot of time, I reach my highest level in the final semester as I totally throw my heart into study. I regard hardworking and inspiration in right mix as crucial part in my present life as well as future career. Whenever I encounter a difficulty, firstly I will figure it out by my self, I prefer to go to library and find relevant books to get a conclusion, if there is no answer to the question, then Internet and computer come, on the majority of occasions, I obtain a strong satisfaction finally. I love changes and differences of opinions, that also one reason why I have attended debate group, however, until recently, I put more meaning into this characteristic, which enables me make lots of friends in and out my major and immerse into unpredictable science world without boring. I also got – in TOEFL and – in IELTS. I have took the following main courses: Physiology, Biochemistry, Medical Microbiology, Medical Immunology, Pathology, Diagnostic, Pharmacology, Internal Medicine, Surgery, Loimology, Obstetrics And Gynecology, Pediatrics, Stomatology, Ophthalmology, Sanitary Chemistry, Analytical Chemistry, Health Statistic, Hygiene Toxicology, Epidemiology, Health Service Administration, Hygiene, Environmental hygiene, Occupational Health And Occupational Medicine, Nutrition And Food Hygiene, Hygiene Ecsomatics, Social Medicine, Behavioral Medicine, Health Education and so on.

I believe that my being practical and reasonable, as well as being positive and persevering will be advantageous in studying in Sydney University. I also do believe that I am self-motivated, committed, patient and creative and have a good sense of searching science. I am looking forward to join you.

TPO小站综合点评及批改意见：

总的来说，本篇PS的结构安排及内容编排还是比较到位的，建议进一步突出关于学习方面的成绩，包括擅长的科目等等；另外结合自己的未来的规划，对申请学校及专业，也可再适当增加一些内容。