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3. Don't fire back by criticizing your critic. Your comments will just sound defensive, and you'll escalate the exchange. This urge is very difficult to resist, because the impulse to justify and attack is strong when you feel criticized, but it just isn't helpful, and it certainly isn’t effective.
不要批评你的批评者来反击。 你的话只会听上去有防御心，而且你将会将“交火”升级。这样的冲动很难抵制，因为要理论、攻击对方的冲动在你感觉受到批评时是很强烈，但这并没有帮助，也肯定是没有效果的。
4. Delay your reaction. Count to ten, take a deep breath, sleep on it, wait until the next day to send that email…any kind of delay is good. A friend told me that she has a rule for herself: when she's upset about something that happened at her children's school, she won't let herself do anything about it for three days – and usually she decides that no action is better than action.
延迟你的反应。 数到10、做深呼吸、隔一宿、等到第二天再发出那封电子邮件。任何类别的延迟都有帮助。一位朋友曾告诉我一条她自己的规定：当她对某件发生在她的孩子学校力的事情感到生气，她让自己3天什么也不做--而且往往她认为不采取行动比行动更好。
5. Explain honestly the reason for your actions. Sometimes it's tempting to re-characterize your actual feelings and motives. Usually, though, that just complicates things more. It becomes impossible to have an honest exchange.
诚实地解释你的行为。有时候，改变你的实际的感受和意图是很诱人的做法。但通常这只会让事情更复杂化，让诚实的交流没有可能。
