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Ever heard of the term toxic positivity?
听说过“毒性正能量”这个词吗?
Sounds oxymoronic, yet it's there, it happens, and no, you're not being ungrateful.
听起来很矛盾，但这样的话确实存在，这不来了，不，你不是忘恩负义的人。
These seemingly harmless phrases probably come from a place of good intention, but no matter how someone intends it, they still tend to come off as indifference or condescension.
这些看似无害的短语可能出自好的意图，但无论某人的意图如何，他们仍往往会表现出冷漠或居高临下。
Not only that, but they're also usually said, when you're already feeling kind of crappy, this is not good.
不仅如此，他们通常还会说，当你已经感觉有点糟糕的时候，这不是好事。
So whether you're worried about being the one saying it, or you're wondering why you feel bad about someone else saying these to you, let's look at these seemingly harmless, yet toxic phrases.
所以，无论你是担心自己是那个说这些话的人，还是想知道为什么别人对你说这些话会让你感觉不好，让我们来看看这些看似无害，但有毒的短语。
Number one, it's not the worst thing that can happen to you.
第一，这还不是你能遇到的最糟糕的事情。
Wow, that stung, this phrase carries the implication that you're ungrateful or weak.
哇，太伤人了，这句话暗示着你不知感恩、软弱。
It indirectly adds shame and guilt to the person who is already suffering.
这句话间接增加了已经在遭受痛苦的人的羞耻和内疚。
Pain is subjective and relative to each person.
疼痛是主观的，对每个人都是相对的。
So comparing it or trying to top it is not helpful in the least.
所以比较疼痛或试图超越它是没有任何帮助的。
Even though what someone is going through could seem minor to you, that same issue could be a colossal obstacle for someone else.
即使某人正在经历的事情对你来说微不足道，但同样的问题对其他人来说可能是一个巨大的障碍。
Number two, I told you so.
第二，我告诉过你。
We all know it can be tempting but we also know fully how painful it is to deal with someone who's gloating over us with I told you so,
我们都知道这句话很好说，但我们也完全知道与一个对我们幸灾乐祸、说着我告诉你的人打交道是多么痛苦。
especially when we've gone through the painful step of admitting we're wrong and are now going through the equally painful task of righting that wrong.
尤其是当我们经历了承认做错的痛苦步骤，现在正在经历纠正错误的痛苦的任务时。
No matter how much insistence there is that the phrase is being said to educate for the future or to show you care,
不管有多少人坚持说这句话是为了未来更好或表达你的关心，
it only sends a message that you can't be trusted or confided in, as a mistake means humiliation and condescension.
这只会传递出这样一个信息:你不能被信任或信任，因为犯错意味着羞辱和屈辱。
Number three, it's nothing, don't worry about it.
第三，没什么，别担心。
Similar to the first phrase, saying something is nothing is not helpful.
类似于第一个短语，说“没什么”是没有帮助的。
We understand that it's meant to give a wider perspective.
我们知道这是为了提供更广阔的视野。
As in, in the grand scheme of things, what has happened is not going to derail everything.
就像，在事情的大计划中，已经发生的事情不会使一切脱轨。
So you're okay and can move past this.
所以你没事了，可以放下这件事了。
However, since it's such a short and abrupt phrase, what comes through is what you do and what you feel are unimportant.
然而，由于这是一个如此简短和唐突的短语，所传达出来的是你所做的和你觉得的事情是不重要的。
You don't matter.
你一点都不重要。
Number four, you're strong, you can handle it.
第四，你很坚强，你能处理好。
Well, it depends on the context.
这取决于是什么样的语境。
But if this phrase is given, when a person has expressed a vulnerability or a pain point like grieving,
但如果这个短语是给定的，当一个人表达了脆弱或痛点，比如悲伤，
they're looking to you for help, support, maybe even a solution, they feel weak and making the decision to ask you was already difficult.
他们向你寻求帮助、支持，甚至可能是一个解决方案，他们感到软弱，做出向你求助的决定已经很困难了。
Simply telling them the opposite, you're strong, you can handle it, is the equivalent of saying
简单地告诉他们相反的话，你很坚强，你能处理好，就相当于说
I reject this weakness you're showing, I refuse your request for help, deal with it on your own.
我拒绝你表现出的软弱，我拒绝你寻求帮助的请求，你自己解决。
This rejection of them, when they've opened up, carries the message that being vulnerable is wrong and they must hide themselves.
当他们敞开心扉的时候，这种拒绝传递了这样的信息:脆弱是错误的，他们必须隐藏自己。
Number five, you're in trouble.
第五，你遇到麻烦了。
This is toxic when it's said, when the person already knows that they're in for some bad times, like after crashing their friend's car, or missing an important deadline.
当这个人已经知道他们会遇到一些糟糕的时候，比如撞了朋友的车，或者错过了一个重要的截止日期，说这句话是有毒的。
In other words, thanks, Captain Obvious, you're not helping.
换句话说，谢谢，明知故问，你没帮上忙。
A phrase like this during a highly stressful event can also sound like you're taking sadistic glee in their misfortune.
在高度紧张的事件中，这样的一句话听起来也像是你对他们的不幸幸灾乐祸。
If this trouble was told in confidence to you, meaning the person needs at least a sympathetic ear, this phrase sounds almost like a betrayal of trust.
如果这个麻烦是私下告诉你的，意味着这个人至少需要一个同情的倾听，这句话听起来几乎像是对信任的背叛。
And they may think twice about opening up to you in the future about anything.
他们将来在向你敞开心扉前可能会再三考虑。
Number six, time heals everything.
第六，时间能治愈一切。
This one comes off sounding like a disinterested, lazy or meaningless platitude.
这句话听起来像是一个不感兴趣、懒惰或无意义的陈词滥调。
It's right up there with this two shall pass, or time heals all wounds.
你会像那两个迈过去的人一样的，或者时间会治愈一切创伤。
It sounds like something someone says so they don't have to deal with the person with the problems anymore.
这听起来像是某人说的话，这样他们就不用再和有问题的人打交道了。
When someone is in the deepest part of grief or in the depths of intense emotion, this phrase sounds flaky and unreal.
当某人处于极度悲痛或极度激动时，这句话听起来古怪而不真实。
It also sounds like a lie.
这听起来也像个谎言。
Time isn't Wolverine's healing factor.
时间不能治愈金刚狼。
Time is what allows a person to adapt, process, and cool down from the peak intensity of emotions.
时间能让人适应、处理和从情绪的高峰中冷静下来。
That's it.
仅此而已。
Profound things will always leave a mark, barring amnesia.
深刻的事物总会留下印记，除非得了健忘症。
Generally, we know we're just trying to help, and we say these things because we feel the need to contribute and support somehow.
一般来说，我们知道我们只是想帮忙，我们说这些事情是因为我们觉得有必要提供支持。
Caring is good and necessary.
关心是好的，也是必要的。
To make those efforts more effective, we need to be aware of how our words come across.
为了使这些努力更有效，我们需要意识到我们的话给人的印象。
Our vocabulary can be improved by being rooted in realism and the now, instead of an idealized future.
我们的话语可以通过与现实和现在联系而不是理想化的未来来改善。
When we better utilize our words to comfort others, we also do so for ourselves.
当我们更好地利用语言来安慰别人时，我们也是在安慰自己。
Thanks for watching and good on you for wanting to be better for others.
感谢收看，感谢你想为他人变得更好。
Did any of these phrases tweak something in you?
这些话有没有让你改变想法?
Feel free to add, share, and discuss in the comments.
欢迎在评论中添加、分享和讨论。
See you soon.
再见。
