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Do you think of yourself as a nice person? What do you think it is that makes someone nice?
你认为自己是个好人吗？你认为是什么让一个人变得善良？
Some might say humility, patience, and consideration, while others might say it's generosity, empathy, and forgiveness.
有些人可能会说谦逊、耐心和体贴，而另一些人可能会说这是慷慨、同理心和宽容。
The bottom line is a lot of it has to do with how you treat other people.
归根结底，这在很大程度上与你如何对待他人有关。
But what about how you treat yourself?
但你是如何对待自己的呢？
What if the niceness you show to others actually comes at the expense of your own happiness and wellbeing?
如果你对他人的善意实际上是以牺牲你自己的幸福为代价的，那会如何？
Some people might try to take advantage of those positive qualities and use your good nature against you.
有些人可能会试图利用这些积极的品质，利用你的善良本性来对付你。
Worst of all is you might just let them because you think that's what nice people do.
最糟糕的是，你可能会让他们这么做，因为你认为好人就是这么做的。
So with that said, here are eight signs that you're not nice but actually a people pleaser.
话虽如此，这里有八个迹象表明你并非人好，而实际上只是喜欢讨好别人。
Number one, you tend to over apologize.
第一，你往往会过度道歉。
Has anyone ever said to you that you say sorry too much?
有没有人对你说过，你说对不起太多了？
Do you often find yourself apologizing for things that aren't even your fault or in your control?
你是否经常发现自己在为一些甚至不是你的错或你控制不了的事情道歉？
While it's certainly an admirable quality to be able to own up to your mistakes and to take accountability for the things you've done wrong, it's also important that you are able to distinguish between humility and self-blame.
虽然能够承认自己的错误并为自己做错的事情承担责任是一种令人钦佩的品质，但同样重要的是，你应当区分谦逊和自责。
When you apologize over and over again when there's no reason to, or struggle with excessive feelings of guilt, then it's most likely that you've started to confuse being nice with being a people pleaser.
当你在没有理由的情况下一次又一次地道歉，或者与过度的负罪感作斗争，那么你很可能已经开始混淆待人友好与取悦他人。
Number two, you find it hard to say no.
第二，你会发现很难说不。
Just like knowing when to apologize, many of us were taught at a young age that it's always good to be helpful and generous towards others.
就像知道什么时候道歉一样，我们中的许多人在很小的时候就被教导，乐于助人和对他人慷慨总是好的。
What you should also keep in mind, however, is that it's also important to prioritize your own needs and to establish healthy boundaries by learning when to say no.
然而，你还应该记住的是，确定你自己的需求的优先顺序也很重要，并通过学会何时说不来建立健康的界限。
So if you're someone who struggles to turn down even the most ridiculous of favors, simply out of fear of hurting other people's feelings or letting them down, then there's a good chance you're probably a people pleaser.
因此，如果你是这样一个人，即使是最可笑的帮助，你也很难拒绝，只是因为害怕伤害别人的感情或让他们失望，那么你很可能是一个取悦他人的人。
Number three, you agree with everyone.
第三，你同意每个人的观点。
Think back to the last time someone had asked you for your opinion.
回想上一次有人征求你的意见是什么时候。
Did you answer honestly, even when you knew they wouldn't agree or it would go against what other people believed in?
即使你知道他们不会同意，或者这会违背其他人的信仰，你也诚实地回答了吗？
Or do you tend to just listen politely to those around you and keep your thoughts to yourself, no matter how much you disagree with them?
或者，你倾向于礼貌地倾听你周围的人的观点，把你的想法藏在心里，无论你多么不同意他们的观点？
While it's certainly polite not to criticize people for things that aren't any of our business, such as their looks, their weight, and so on, it is good and important to speak your mind when it comes to the things you really believe in, which brings us to our next point.
虽然不批评与我们无关的事情当然是礼貌的，比如他们的长相、体重等等，但当谈到你真正同意的事情时，说出你的想法是好的，也是重要的，这就引出了我们的下一点。
Number four, you change to better accommodate others.
第四，你的改变是为了更好地适应他人。
Do you hide certain parts of yourself when you're with people?
当你和别人在一起时，你会隐藏自己的某些部分吗？
Truth be told, many of us have probably felt the pressure to conform and change some aspect of ourselves to seem more desirable to others, be it in a romantic context, like to impress your crush, or in a social context, such as to act a certain way to fit in with the popular kids or to please your parents.
老实说，我们中的许多人可能都感受到了压力，需要顺应和改变自己的某些方面，让自己看起来更受他人欢迎，无论是在恋爱的环境中，还是在社交环境中，比如为了适应受欢迎的孩子或取悦你的父母而采取某种方式。
But the moment you start to lose sight of yourself and change too much of who you are just to please the people in your life, you are inadvertently telling yourself that their happiness matters more than yours.
但是，当你开始忽视自己，为了取悦生活中的人而改变太多自己的时候，你在不经意间告诉自己，他们的幸福比你的幸福更重要。
Number five, you feel uncomfortable with conflict.
第五，你会对冲突感到不自在。
Are you always wondering whether someone is upset with you or not?
你是否总是在想，是否有人在生你的气？
Perhaps you can't stand the thought of anyone, even total strangers, being mad at you, even for the things you know you are completely justified in.
也许你不能忍受任何人，甚至是完全陌生的人，对你发火，即使是因为你知道你完全有理由做的事情。
A sign that you may be a people pleaser is if you're always choosing to give in and apologize rather than stand up for yourself and what you think is right because you don't know how or don't want to deal with conflict.
你可能喜欢讨好他人，如果你总是选择让步和道歉，而不是站出来维护自己和你认为正确的东西，因为你不知道如何处理冲突或不想处理冲突。
In fact, you may even go to great lengths bending over backwards just to avoid it.
事实上，你甚至可能会不遗余力地向后退来避免冲突。
Number six, you take responsibility for other people's feelings.
第六，你会为别人的感受负责。
Empathy can be a very beautiful thing, and the ability to put yourself in other people's shoes is how you're able to understand and connect with them deeply.
同理心可以是一件非常美好的事情，设身处地为他人着想的能力是你能够理解他们并与他们深入交流的方式。
But be careful.
但要小心。
Remember that you're not responsible for other people's feelings and that it's not up to you to fulfill their emotional needs.
记住，你不能对别人的感受负责，也不能由你来满足他们的情感需求。
Don't make the mistake of doing so just because you think it's the nice thing to do.
不要因为你认为这样做是件好事就犯这样的错误。
It'll only leave you frustrated, stressed out, and emotionally drained.
这只会让你灰心丧气，压力大，情绪低落。
Number seven, you constantly seek external validation.
第七，你不断地寻求外部的认可。
Are you always looking for some kind of approval from people around you?
你总是在寻求你周围人的某种认可吗？
Maybe you never feel good about your accomplishments until you receive praise from other people.
也许在你得到别人的赞扬之前，你永远不会对自己的成就感到满意。
Or perhaps you need kind words and appreciation to affirm your self-esteem and will go to great lengths just to get it.
或者，也许你需要亲切的话语和赞赏来肯定你的自尊，并会不遗余力地去获得它。
But seeking too much external validation and defining yourself entirely by how others see you can be problematic and self-destructive.
但是，寻求太多的外部认可，完全根据别人对你的看法来定义自己，可能会有问题，而且会走向自我毁灭。
After all, you're going to have to learn sooner or later that you can't please everybody and that you can only make yourself truly happy.
毕竟，你迟早会明白，你不可能取悦所有人，你只能让自己真正快乐。
And number eight, you don't speak up when your feelings are hurt.
第八，当你的感情受到伤害时，你不会直言不讳。
Last but certainly not least, being too much of a people pleaser to speak up when other people hurt your feelings because you think it's not their problem or that it might upset them is a clear a sign as any that what you're actually doing isn't being nice but that you're being unfair to yourself just to make other people happy.
最后，但同样重要的是，当别人伤害了你的感情时，你太喜欢讨好他人了，因为你认为这不是他们的问题，或者这可能会让他们难过，这是一个明确的信号，表明你实际上所做的并不是当一个好人，而是你为了让别人高兴而对自己不公平。
In time, if you continue to keep it up, you may end up finding that it'll keep you from forming authentic and mutually satisfying relationships.
假以时日，如果你继续这样做，你可能最终会发现，这会阻碍你形成真正的、双方都满意的关系。
So do you think you might be guilty of being too much of a people pleaser?
那么，你是否认为自己过于喜欢讨好他人而感到内疚呢？
Let us know in the comments below.
在下面的评论中让我们知道。
If you found this video helpful, be sure to like, subscribe, and share this video with those who might benefit from it.
如果您觉得这个视频有帮助，请务必点赞、订阅并与可能从中受益的人分享这个视频。
And don't forget to hit the notification bell icon to get notified whenever Psych2Go posts a new video.
不要忘了点击通知铃声图标，每当Psych2Go发布新视频时，你就可以获得通知了。
The references and studies used in this video are added in the description below.
本视频中使用的参考文献和研究添加在下面的描述框中。
Thanks so much for watching, and we'll see you in our next one.
非常感谢您的收看，我们下一期节目再见。
