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So, Sheldon, how's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
谢尔顿啊 被一个女人家揍的感觉如何
It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero.
反正不是第一次了 在子宫里我那胞姐就开始欺负我
If only I'd had the presence of mind to reabsorb her,
如果当年我能一直坚定的吸收掉她
then I'd have a mole with hair in it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.
我也就多了一颗长毛的痣 这样也不会收到那些无聊的圣诞贺卡了
Gentlemen, have you come to the realization that the only reasonable course of action is to sell the ring and divide the money?
先生们 你们还没有觉悟吗 最明智的选择就是卖了魔戒再分钱
No. I was afraid of that. Go ahead.
没门 我就怕你这么说 说吧
Greetings from Mumbai. I am Raj's attorney, Venkatesh Koothrappali. Also my cousin.
在孟买问候大家 我是拉杰的律师 文卡塔斯·库萨帕里 也是我表哥
You brought a lawyer?
你居然还找了个律师
Don't answer that. I'll get straight to the point.
这个不用回答 我就直说了
My client's prepared to surrender any interest he has in the ring in exchange for two Kawasaki Jet Skis.
我的委托人准备放弃他在这枚魔戒上的一切利益来交换两辆川崎水上摩托
We're not giving him two Jet Skis.
两辆水上摩托? 没门儿
Look, we're big boys, why don't we just cut to the chase and meet in the middle?
听着 大家都成年人了 我们何不都退一步海阔天空呢
One Kawasaki Jet Ski. Done and done. No Jet Skis.
一辆水上摩托就够了 怎么样 半辆都不给
All right, forget the Jet Skis.
好吧 不谈水上摩托了
Forget the Jet Skis? That was our line in the sand!
你说什么 这是我们的底线
What happened to "tear them a new one?"
你就这点招数吗
What can I say? They played hardball. We lost.
那你要我怎样 他们态度强硬 我们输了
You're useless. I told you that when you hired me. I'm signing off now.
你这没用的东西 你来雇我时我就说了 我要下线了
Call your mother. She worries.
记得联系你妈 她担心你呢
Okay, just so you know, if we're bringing in cousins who are lawyers, prepare for shock and awe.
知道吗 向别人介绍自己的律师表兄时 要准备好被雷
You know what? I am ending this.
告诉你们 老子不干了
Penny didn't want to hold the ring anymore. She gave it to me. I have it. I'm sending it back.
佩妮不想再保管魔戒 她还给了我 现在我手上 我要寄回去
Where's the ring? You mean this ring?
魔戒呢 你是指这个魔戒吗
Next time be aware of your surroundings while urinating in a public men's room.
下次在公共厕所里排尿 记得要耳听八方环顾四周
Give me that. No, it's mine. It's all of ours.
快给我 才不 这是我的 我们都有份
Okay, now, this is ridiculous! Then let go!
得了 这也太荒唐了 那就放手
I'm not letting go. You let go.
偏不 你干嘛不放手
I say this ring belongs to the last person who can hold on.
要我说 谁坚持到最后 魔戒就归谁
Fine. But can't we go home and start this? Sure.
行啊 我们回家再开始吗 当然
Let go of the ring. All right, it starts now.
那现在先放手 好吧 那就从现在开始
You do realize there's a giant bug movie marathon tonight on the Syfy Channel.
今晚科幻频道有巨虫电影联播 你们都还记得吧
Wait, my laptop.
慢 我的笔记本还没拿
You know, there's a point no when this becomes idiotic.
这也太白痴了 一点也没意义了
And it wasn't when we were driving like this?
刚我们这样开车的时候你咋不说
I would advise the three of you that resistance is futile.
我好心建议你们三个放弃吧 再怎么死撑也是徒劳
I have endless patience.
我的耐性可是出了名的好
I once spent twoandahalf hours on hold with HewlettPackard customer service just to complain about their customer service.
我曾和惠普的客服人员耗了整整两个半小时 就为投诉他们客服态度差劲
You want to talk about endless patience?
你少和我吹嘘耐性
Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.
佩妮逼我看完了整整五季的《欲望都市》
There are six seasons, dude. Oh, crap!
老兄 那玩意有六季 噢 杯具
No, no, no, the sixth season is great.
别这么说嘛 第六季很赞啊
We go to Paris with Carrie and get our heart broken, and then Mr. Big shows up, we don't know if we can trust him again.
凯莉刚分手 伤心地去了巴黎 而大人物又突然出现 我们都很好奇 她是否还能再相信他
It's a wild ride. Door.
真是跨越地球的爱恋啊 我要开门
Okay, everybody, and plie? And releve?
同志们 屈膝(法语 芭蕾舞动作)再踮立(法语 芭蕾舞动作)
Whatcha doin'? Last one holding the ring decides its fate.
你们干什么呢 谁坚持到最后 魔戒归谁
I know, it sounds silly. No, no, no, no, no, you are my boyfriend.
我知道这很蠢 才不会呢 你是我男友啊
Nothing you do is silly to me. Thank you.
情人眼里出西施嘛 多谢
FYI this is a bag from Victoria's Secret.
顺便说下 这可是维多利亚的秘密内衣
I'm out. I'm sorry, Ma, I have to stay late at the office.
老子不干了 抱歉 老妈 没办法 我要在办公室加班
No, he's doesn't! He's lying to you!
才没有 他在骗你
Will you be quiet? Well, if you want privacy let go of the ring.
你就不能消停点吗 要隐私的话 放开手就行了啊
I'm so glad we came to this gentile strip club!
真开心 终于能来这家异教徒的脱衣舞俱乐部
Howard, here's more bacon to tuck into the shiksa's Gstring!
霍华德 再给你个培根塞她们丁字裤里去
I'll call you back. I think it's lovely you call your mommy
我再打给你 你实在太贴心了 还特地打电话
and let her know you're going to be late for dinner.
告诉你妈 你赶不回去吃晚饭
From what I know about these things, if a woman doesn't breastfeed on time, it's very uncomfortable for her boobies.
据我所知 没能按时喂奶的女人 咪咪会很不舒服的
Don't you talk about my mother's boobies!
别跟我谈我妈的咪咪
If you're offended, let go of the ring and go on home to your mother's boobies.
听着不爽的话 放手啊 赶紧回家找你妈吃奶去
Excellent, excellent. Tire each other out, the ring will be mine.
太好了 太好了 你们俩耗吧 我就能笑到最后
Howard, why don't you go after Raj's mother?
霍华德 何不谈谈拉杰他妈
Why don't we go after your mother?
不然咱谈谈你妈
Go ahead. I have no illusions about my mother.
尽管谈 我又没有恋母情结
She is a kind, loving, religiously fanatical rightwing Texan
她就一个和蔼可亲 笃信上帝 极端右翼的德州人
with a slightly outofscale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction.
头长得有点不合比例 还对佩珀汽水有点上瘾
Anything you'd like to add?
还有什么要补充的吗
That's not gonna get you anywhere. Better pull out the big gun.
这样说根本没用 得给他来点狠的
You're right. Let's talk about your grandmother.
说得对 咱来谈谈你外祖母
No! I call no Meemaws.
不要 不许说我外祖母
Think about this. The only way your mother was born was your Meemaw had sex.
想想看 你外祖母肯定得跟人上床 才会有你妈
I don't want to hear this. Then let go of the ring and walk away.
我不想听这些 那就放手 走一边去
Never. All right. I'll bet your Meemaw didn't just have sex to have your mother.
想都别想 好吧 我敢说 你外祖母不仅仅是为了传宗接代才跟人上床的
I bet she had sex because she liked it.
我敢说 她肯定也享受性爱
Stop it! Yeah, Meemaw did the nasty. I said stop it!
别说了 对 外祖母也并不圣洁 我叫你们闭嘴
We're getting to him. Waterfalls!
说到他痛处了 瀑布
What? Waterfalls. Crashing waves. Babbling brooks.
什么 瀑布 惊涛拍岸 潺潺溪流
What are you doing?
你这是干嘛
Subliminal messaging. I'm going to make you want to pee.
潜意识信息 通过这让你们产生尿意
Dripping faucets. Leaky gutter. Peeing.
滴水的水龙头 漏水的水槽 尿尿
It's, it's not working, dude.
这招根本不管用 伙计
Ohhoho, it's working all right. I have to pee.
已经管用了 我想上厕所
Then let go of the ring and go.
那就放开魔戒去啊
No, actually, I wouldn't mind going, too.
其实 我也想上了
Fine. Um, on the count of three. One, two...
好吧 数到三 一 二
Wait, just to clarify. When you get to three, do we stand up or do we pee?
等等 先说清楚 数到三 是都站起来还是直接尿尿
We stand up. Excellent choice. Three.
都站起来 明智之选 三
Something tells me this was a bad day to wear suede shoes.
我有预感 今天真不该穿绒面革皮鞋的
I've done it! I've won! The ring is mine! It's mine!
我做到了 我赢了 魔戒是我的了 是我的了
We're going to clean it up and make it pretty.
得彻底清洗下 让它更漂亮
My own. My love. My precious.
是我的 我亲爱的 我的宝贝
Where's the ring?
魔戒呢
It's in a FedEx box on its way back to where it came from.
在联邦快递的盒子里 回它原来的地方去了
The fires of Mount Doom? Peter Jackson's office in New Zealand. It wasn't ours.
末日山的火焰之中 彼得·杰克逊在新西兰的办公室 本就不是我们的
You quit the game! You had no right to take it.
你早就退出了比赛 根本没资格拿走魔戒
I came in here, you guys were all sleeping.
我走进来的时候 你们都睡着了
The ring was on the floor. No one was touching it.
魔戒掉在地板上 没人拿着
Well, so then we start the game over until there's a winner.
那就该重新开始 直到产生最后的赢家
There wasn't ever going to be a winner.
根本不会有什么赢家
There was going to be a selfish, petty person with a ring and three people who used to be his friend.
只会有一个手握魔戒的自私鬼和三个反目的好友
Is that really what you guys want?
你们真想这样吗
'Cause if it is, fine. I don't want anything to do with you.
真想的话 随便吧 我跟你们也没什么好说的了
And I don't know what happened in that bathroom, but I am not cleaning it up!
还有 厕所里怎么回事我不知道 但我才不会去清理
My precious. I knew it. Give us the precious!
我的宝贝 我就知道 把宝贝还我们
Give me! Give me! Get off of me!Give me the ring! It's mine!
快给我 快给我 放开我 把魔戒给我 魔戒是我的
Ugh, gotta go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.
真该跟健身房那笨蛋约会看看的
Just give me the ring! Give it to me! Give me the ring!
把魔戒给我 把魔戒给我 把魔戒给我
I said give it to me! It's mine!
我让你给我 魔戒是我的
