Part 5 My PainI have told you, reader, that I had learnt to love Mr. Rochester:I could not unlove him now, merely because I found that he had ceased to notice me- because I might pass hours in his presence,and he would never once turn his eyes in my direction- because I saw all his attentions appropriated by a great lady, who scorned to touch me with the hem of her robes as she passed;who, if ever her dark and imperious eye fell on me by chance, would withdraw it instantly as from an object too mean to merit observation.I could not unlove him, because I felt sure he would soon marry this very lady- because I read daily in her a proud security in his intentions respecting her-because I witnessed hourly in him a style of courtship which, if careless and choosing rather to be sought than to seek, was yet, in its very carelessness, captivating,and in its very pride, irresistible.There was nothing to cool or banish love in these circumstances, though much to create despair. Much too, you will think, reader, to engender jealousy:if a woman, in my position, could presume to be jealous of a woman in Miss Ingram's. But I was not jealous: or very rarely;-the nature of the pain I suffered could not be explained by that word. Miss Ingram was a mark beneath jealousy: she was too inferior to excite the feeling.Pardon the seeming paradox; I mean what I say.She was very showy, but she was not genuine: she had a fine person, many brilliant attainments; but her mind was poor, her heart barren by nature:
第五部分 我的痛苦我已经告诉过你，读者朋友，我意识到自己爱上了罗切斯特先生，我现在不能不爱他，仅仅因为我发现他不再关注我了--因为我可能在他面前待上几个小时，而他的眼睛从不朝我的方向瞟上一眼--因为我发现他所有的注意力被一位贵妇人所吸引，她从我身边走过时，连长袍的边都不屑于碰我一下，当她阴险专横的眼神碰巧落在我身上，她会立即避开，就像这件东西太廉价不值得她看上一眼。我不能不爱他，仅仅因为我确信不久他就会娶这位女士--因为每天我都能从她身上看出她高傲地认为她在他心目中的地位已经非常稳固--因为我每时每刻都目睹着他对她的追求，尽管漫不经心，又表现出宁愿被人追求而不追求别人，却由于随意而显得富有魅力，由于傲慢而愈发不可抗拒。在此般情形下，任何事物都无法冷却或者浇灭我的爱，尽管这很可能会带来绝望。读者朋友，你会认为，如果一个处于我这种位置的女人敢于妒忌像英格拉姆小姐这种地位的女人的话，这也很可能会引起妒忌。但是我并不妒忌，或者很少妒嫉，我所遭受的痛苦无法用这个字眼来解释。英格拉姆小姐不值得嫉妒，她太卑劣了，激不起这种情感。请原谅这一表面上的悖论，我所说的就是我所想的。她太好卖弄，但并不真诚。她风度不凡，多才多艺，但是思想肤浅，心灵天生贫瘠，
暂无注释
