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How to save marriage after being laid off
如何挽救失业后的婚姻
Amanda Petersen was living the good life in suburban Detroit. The 40-year-old mother of two was the family breadwinner. A senior executive in a real estate development firm，Petersen’s $ 200K job paid a generous bonus, offered stock options and a profit-sharing plan. It meant private school for the kids and enabled her to go on special trips with her husband, a firefighter, throw parties and lavish gifts on family and friends. Laid off last spring, Petersen felt clobbered.
阿曼达彼得森住在底特律郊区，过着美好的生活。这位40岁的母亲有两个孩子，是家庭的经济支柱。作为一个房地产开发公司的高级行政人员,彼得森的年薪是20万美金,还有丰厚的奖金,拥有股票买卖权和利润分享计划。这意味着能送孩子们去私立学校,让她与她的消防员丈夫去参加各种特殊的旅行、大办派对以及送家人 和朋友昂贵的礼物。但在去年春天失业后，彼得森觉得生活变得一败涂地。
Sound familiar? Families like Petersen’s are grappling with similar challenges in the new economic order as one or both high-income earning spouses lose their jobs in layoffs and cutbacks. Accustomed to a certain standard of living, couples like the Petersens who have experienced job losses often suffer relationship strains as existing marital tensions are exacerbated and financial stresses spaiic new challenges. In high-income earning families, status-oriented activities like vacations, parties and charitable giving are pared, if not cut altogether,
听起来很熟悉?在新的经济秩序下,彼得森一家和许多髙收入家庭一样面临着同样的挑战。这些夫妻中一个或双双遭遇下岗或裁员。像彼得森夫妇一样习惯了一定水准的生活后失业的夫妻婚姻关系经常变得紧张，因为经济压力带来了新的挑战。髙收入家庭如果 不完全抛开代表家庭地位的各种活动(诸如度假，派对和慈善捐赠 活动）,就会削减它们的开支。
Amanda sees the effects on her relationship: “I find myself picking fights that I never would,” she says. “I just feel like a failure, like I'm letting everyone down. I have an amazing husband and a very strong marriage, but this event has effectively changed the DNA of our relationship.”
阿曼达看到这对她婚姻关系的影响广我发现自己在打架，但以前绝对不会。我只是觉得自己很失败,似乎是我让每个人失望…… 我有一个好丈夫和一段非常牟固的婚姻,但这次彻底改变了我们的关系。”
“If there are already money stresses in the marriage, this is the time to resolve those issues. It almost forces the hand of the couple to solve them,” says Dr. Nancy Mramor, a Pittsburgh, Pa.based health psychologist who works couples where one or both partners has suffered a job loss. She offered the following 10 tips for the problem:
南希姆拉莫尔博士说如果金钱已经给婚姻造成了压力,是时候去解决问题了。这几乎迫使夫妇去解决问题。”她是宾夕法尼亚州匹兹堡的一位健康心理学家,为那些一个或双双失业的夫妻提供心理咨询。为解决这个问題,她给出了以下10点建议：
1 . Focus on priorities, budgeting and resolving financial issues. “If there’s something deeper to begin with, then couples can get back to that. But if the marriage was too based on social status and money, then once it’s pulled out, there’s nothing there.”
1.专注优先事项,预算和解决经济难題。“如果婚姻有更深的基础,那么夫妇可以回到过去。但如果婚姻建立在社会地位和金钱的基础上,那么一旦失去它们,就什么也没有了。”
2. Get outside supports. “Get as many people on your team looking for a job as possible.”
2.获得外部支持。“尽可能有更多的人帮助你找工作。”
3. Try to find agreement about what should be done and establish a timeline.
3.试着制定个应该傲什么的协议，并制定时间表。
4. Consult experts and find out the best ways to manage your existing resources. “Don’t be proud. Get advice. This is a time to consult people who you trust and who can guide you through this.”
4.咨询专家并找出管理你现有资源的最佳方法。“不要骄傲,听取意见。这是咨询你信任的人 和能指导你的人的时候。”
5. Strengthen the family by spending time together at home and include friends. “It's fine for kids to know that for a while, the family isn’t going to be spending as much money. Kids should really understand what their parents’ resources are.”
5.花更多的时间与家人和朋友待在一起。“这对让孩子了解到在这段时间中家里是不会花大笔的钱很有用。孩子们确实会了解到父母的财力。”
6. Keep up communication with your spouse. “Really listen to the other person before you fire back, then respond in a way that’s loving and respectful. You can have a loving, healthy debate with your partner as long as things are said with respect and love,” Career transitions coach Stein agrees: f"Keep talking to each other. It’s not wrong to feel things, but it’s essential to really listen to one another.”
6.保持和你配偶的交流。“在反驳前听对方说完,然后以一种友爱和尊重的方式回应。只要你用友爱和尊重的方式去说，就可以和你的配偶进行友爱和健康的辩论。”职业过渡教练斯坦表示同意广不断地交谈。有情绪没有错,但必须要真正听取彼此。”
7. Reassess your wealth. “People have lots of things they don’t need. Sell the things that are valuable. Get rid of everything in your life that doesn’t have a strong value for the family and you as a couple. Only hold on to what’s sentimentally important.”
7.重新评估自己的财富。“人们有许多他们并不需要的东西。卖掉值钱的东西。卖掉生活中对你的家庭和你们夫妇没有价值的一切东西,只留下对感情很重要的。”
8. Understand the impact of stress on your body. “Maybe you can’t keep your gym membership but you can take a walk. Express physical affection as a source of comfort. Deep breathing is one of the most powerful ways to restore your health.”
8. 了解压力对身体的影响。“也许你不能保住健身馆的会员身份,但你可以去散步。释放身体的感情可以作为一种慰藉。深呼吸是恢复健康最有效的方式之一。”
9. Adopt an “attitude of gratitude and live in the present moment. “Gratitude is one of the most powerful forces in people's lives and allows you to see everything that’s good and possible. Give thanks for 10 things each day.”
9.采取“感激”的态度，生活在当下感激是人们生活中最强大的力量之一，它让你看到一切美好的可能。每天试着感谢10件事”
10. Focus on what you have, rather than what you don’t have.
10.专注你拥有的,而不是你没有的。
