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1. Good afternoon, everybody. This is Captain Poquita speaking. I hope you’ve been enjoying your flight with Band Air, because you sure as hell won’t enjoy what’s going to happen next. We’re about to fly into a real heavy storm with thunder and lightning and all that kind of stuff. Well, I hope you’ve got plenty of insurance folks because here we go.
2. I can’t bear flying when it’s like this. I wish I’d stayed home.
3. It’s too late for that now. Why don’t you look at it this way? If you survive this flight you’ll have a great story to tell your grandchildren. And if you don’t, why won’t you have any grandchildren. So there’s no problem.
4. That thunder; I can’t bear storms. I get so nervous.
5. You know, you really ought to try and relax more.
6. But I can’t! This kind of thing makes me terribly tense. I wish I was at home.
7. You’ve got nervous tension, haven’t you? Ever try taking anything for it?
8. I have some tranquilizers and some sleeping pills, too, but they don’t seem to help.
9. Maybe you ought to try something stronger.
10. I suppose so! Yes. I don’t know what, though.
11. I’ve got just what you need. Let me have a look in my bag.
12. Here we are.
13. Obliteron tablets. Take one a week. Do not exceed the stated dose. What do they do?
14. They make you feel great. Here, have a few. And here’s something to wash them down with.
15. Alright. Hey! This is whisky!
16. The finest American bourbon.
17. But surely I oughtn’t to drink alcohol with these pills.
18. You’ll be all right. Trust me.
19. Well! OK. But you know, I’m starting to feel a bit weird already.
20. What’s happened? Is he alright?
21. Oh yes. My friend has had a bit too much to drink, that’s all. I’ll take care of him.
22. If you’re sure.
23. Quite sure. Thank you, miss.
24. Hi, there. This is Captain Poquita again. Well, was that one hell of a storm, wasn’t it? We came through it alright , though, apart from one of the wings falling off. I’m only joking, folks, don’t worry. I like telling jokes. In fact, I wish I wasn’t just a dumb airline pilot. I mean, like, who cares about the pilot, right? I might as well be a computer for all you care. No, I wish I was a comedian-----making the people laugh, making them love me. Ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be out there on TV, a comedian, you know folks? But my mama wouldn’t let me. She said, “You? A comedian? Don’t make me laugh.” So guess what? Now I am a comedian and an airline pilot. Get this, folks we’re out of fuel. It looks like you’re going to have to get out and push. That was a joke, right. Don’t laugh to loud. You’ll make the co-pilot. Seriously though, folks. This plane, or what’s left of it, will be landing in Mexico City in about half an hour.
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